Beer troubleshooting guide

Fun on Friday: If you are painting the town red, going out on the town, partying, going on a bender, getting drunk, pissed, wasted or hammered, legless or shitfaced, then keep this beer troubleshooting guide in mind.

However, by the 2nd beer, I’m sure it will already have gone.

SYMPTOM: Beer unusually pale and tasteless.

FAULT: Glass empty.

ACTION: Get someone to buy you another beer.

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SYMPTOM: Opposite wall covered with fluorescent lights.

FAULT: You have fallen over backwards.

ACTION: Have yourself leashed to bar.

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SYMPTOM: Mouth contains cigarette butts.

FAULT: you have fallen forward.

ACTION: See above.

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SYMPTOM: Beer tasteless, front of your shirt is wet.

FAULT: Mouth not open, or glass applied to wrong part of face.

ACTION: Retire to the restroom, practice in mirror.

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SYMPTOM: Feet cold & wet.

FAULT: Glass being held at incorrect angle.

ACTION: Rotate glass so that open end points towards ceiling.

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SYMPTOM: Feet warm and wet.

FAULT: Improper bladder control.

ACTION: stand next to nearest dog, complain about her house training.

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SYMPTOM: Floor blurred.

FAULT: You are looking through the bottom of the empty glass.

ACTION: Get someone to buy you another beer.

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SYMPTOM: Floor moving.

FAULT: you are being carried out.

ACTION: Find out if you are being taken to another bar.

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SYMPTOM: Room seems unusually dark.

FAULT: Bar has closed.

ACTION: confirm home address with bartender.

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SYMPTOM: Taxi suddenly takes on a colourful aspect & textures.

FAULT: Beer consumption has exceeded personal limitations.

ACTION: Cover mouth.

To paint the town red (dir Sau rauslassen), to go out on the town (auf die Piste gehen), to party (feiern), to go on a bender (Sauferei), pale (farblos), leash (Leine), butt (Kippe), to apply (anwenden), to retire (sich zurückziehen, angle (Winkel), improper (nicht ordnungsgemäß), bladder control (Blasenkontrolle), house training (Stubenreinmachen), blurred (verschwommen), to exceed (überschreiten)

4 thoughts on “Beer troubleshooting guide

Nice one! Hilarious!

As a risk manager I have to admit that this is a perfect example of a well elaborated FMEA. 😉 I might even use this guide as a little goody during my next RM teaching.

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